On the 6th of January, 2010, some guy i’d been hanging out with for a while took my heart. Heres how it happened;

We met through a mutual friend, who was trying to get with me at the time. Jay thought he didn’t have a shot, but wanted to stay close to me so he asked my best friend at the time, Amber, out. My heart sunk, but I dealt with it, she was my sister and I wanted her to be happy. Anyway, they didn’t last long, but even after they broke up, we still hung out.

We’d been hanging out since the end of November, and we got closer; but neither of us would admit we liked each other. Unfortunately, Amber caught on, and understandably didn’t like it. It was hard to admit that us being together wouldn’t be perfect; we had so much in common, and we even lived right by each other. 

On the morning of the day we got together, we were all meant to be going out. It had been snowing none-stop for the month, and every day we’d all meet up and play in the snow. It was like a fairytale. Jay turned up at my house on his own, and said Amber & Dave were on their way down. Amber was in a bit of a bad mood, and didn’t really want to come. She was living with me at the time, but had spent the night back with her mum (as she did a few times a week, to get clean clothes and wash etcc). Anyway, me and Jay were sat in my room play fighting, and I was pretending to ‘selotape’ him to my bed. Out of nowhere, I shouting ”OMG THERES A HOT EMO BOY IN MY BED”. It was then that he knew I liked him, and provoked the following events later that night.

So, we all went out, and were playing in the snow until late that night. Me and Amber decided to get some dry clothes on, and Jay went home with Dave to meet their other friend Dennis, and get a cup of tea to warm up. We were all meant to meet up half an hour later, but Amber questioned me regarding the closeness between me and Jay and it turned into an argument. She packed her stuff up and left me; not my best friend - my fucking sister. I knew i’d fucked everything up, but I didn’t think i’d done anything as I hadn’t done anything about my feelings for him.

I went in, crying, and called Jay and said we wouldn’t be back out. My mum yelled at me to ‘go get the boy’, but I fell asleep and when he knocked for me, my sister thought i’d already gone out and told him I wasn’t in. When I woke up, i was deviated, but called up to see if he was still out. He was. I met up with him on top of a hill near us, where he was sledging with a bunch of younger boys in our area. His two friends; Den & Dave, left him and went home, and we sat on the hill cuddling surrounded by kids, it was a lovely atmostphere. Eventually, he invited me back to his house.

At first, I was really scared. He took me up to his room and got into his boxers. I just sat on his floor laughing at him. He said the exact words “would you cuddle up with me in a none sexual way because i’m fucking freezing”. And I did. For an hour or so, we just cuddled and talked on the top bunk of his bed. He kept kissing me on the cheek, and thats when we finally admitted we liked each other, but I told him I couldn’t be with him because I needed to get my sister, Amber, back, because I loved her and no boy would be worth coming between us. I said I was sorry.

Just was I was about to leave, he was helping me off the bunk bed. The second my toes hit to ground, he smacked his lips against mine, then jumped back in shock and said sorry. I laughed, kissed him back, and left. I still didn’t want to be with him. I felt really bad, and I was about to call Amber when she called me, and had a go at me. I was mega upset and a little bit angry, but I left it. 

While Jay was walking me home, it was awkward. Out of the blue, he just shouted at me “ARE WE TOGETHER OR WHAT?” and I just laughed again and said “it’s up to you now.” He held my hand and said “i’d like that”.

We’ve been together ever since.

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I can honestly say I’m the luckiest girl alive. I don’t know what I’d do without him. I know it’s all cheesy, but I probably wouldn’t have anything without him. He knows how to look after me, how to treat me, and most importantly - how to make me happy. We’ve both given up so fucking much for each other, and been through so much shit. On more than one occasion in our relationship, i’ve needed to walk away from him, but it’s so hard, I can’t. We’re so strong together, but so weak apart. I can honestly say, hand on heart, I’m in love with this guy, and I can genuinely see myself with him twenty years from now. I want to grow old with him, I really do. ♥